So, I had been having a great weekend with the minions (my kids), despite being at my parents… Until this morning.

A little background, I started a new job a few weeks ago, doing insurance claim processing with a fairly conservative company. Well, about a week ago, I got reprimanded by the hiring manager for asking too many questions in our training class and because apparently I offended someone because I scratch my skin a lot (my meds send a psuedo-itchiness signal to my brain, making me think I’m itchy when I’m not.) So all of last week I was super self-conscious, very afraid to talk at all and afraid that any time I touched my own skin that I was ‘scratching too much’.

Ok, so that brings us to this morning. I woke up and checked my professional email (out of habit). I had a letter from the same manager, apparently this Friday, someone complained to her because I rub at the scars I have on my legs and arms, and because I refer to myself as a ‘fat chick’. They apparently are ‘concerned’ that I am a threat to myself because my scars ‘indicate a possibly troubled person’. She stated that if my physical habits and appearance continue to be an issue that I will be asked to step down from my position.

Wow, that really makes me feel like shit. I really don’t think I should have to explain to MY EMPLOYER why I have a large number of scars… I have scars because I’m on meds that slow my body’s natural healing process. I have scars because I had a mental breakdown and tried to kill myself. I have scars because I was attacked, thrown through a glass window, and my head was kicked in. I have scars because I had a father who beat the shit out of me. I refer to myself as a fat chick because I have regained almost 80 lbs in the last year and a half and am extremely uncomfortable with my appearance right now. Should I have to explain any of this?

It’s things like this that honestly make me wish I HADN’T gotten help. Feeling like a total flake and liar when I have to explain moving back to the Springs as “Oh, I had some personal issues and had to move back in with my parents” or people looking at me like I have the plague if I explain what actually happened. Not being able to wear anything that shows my legs without people who I don’t know commenting on my scars and being ‘concerned’ for me because their sister’s ex husband’s second cousin four times removed was a cutter and they KNOW I shouldn’t do that to myself. Having people look at me like I’m a psychopath when I talk to myself and say that no one there will hurt me, when I mess with the scars on my head or press against my eyes because they hurt, or have dark circles under my eyes because my anti-nightmarial medicine didn’t work the night before, so I didn’t sleep…

I hate feeling like I’ll never belong…

2 responses »

  1. Lucina Moon says:

    Hang in there sweetie. Corporate America sucks but at least you can depend on them to provide a regular paycheck. As to the ‘asking too many questions’ complaint, you just have to stress that your are a very conscientious worker and you want to make sure you complete your tasks right the first time. That manager seems a little clueless, so you might want to have a private meeting with him or her to advise them of your medical issues. They don’t need to know the background, just the facts. If they don’t seem to get it, you may have to request a meeting with your HR department. Firing someone based on medical issues that don’t affect their work performance is illegal. I know it’s hard but focus on the work. If you are cranking out the best production numbers they will be hard-pressed to let you go. And screw your co-workers. You have plenty of friend outside of work who adore you. Don’t waste your time with the idiots inside. And one more thing (sorry, I’m rambling) if you choose to communicate by email with management allow at least 2-3 hours before you reply. 24 hours is even better. I’ve kept myself out of some deep shit by not going off as soon as I get an email that pisses me off. Luv you bunches! Sending big e-hug to you!.

  2. elvis89 says:

    What that manager is doing is bordering on illegal. I would ask fora meeting with them and explain in generalaties you feelings and let them know that you have no qualms ragarding a visit with the HR folks.

    Further you need to DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT allof this. You might arange a little meet with HR when this manager happens to not be arround. make sure that they agree that Everythign said in the meetign is to be kept confidential unless you let them know otherwis ein writing.

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