I always feel like a bitch the moment I realize I DON’T want to date someone anymore.  I realized recently in a conversation with Evey, I’m exceedingly picky when it comes to the people I date on a long-term basis…HOWEVER, there are more than a few I feel completely justified on.

I generally don’t stop dating someone because of looks… a fat ass or an overbite don’t make me run in the opposite direction.  It’s that little twinge the moment they make a derogatory comment about my child, the click when I realize they hate a group or organization that I’m a part of, or the light bulb above my head when they explain what colors/sizes/types/textures/ or looks of foods they will and will not eat…. I’m not going to name names, but I have wanted to yell, ” Cease and Desist” at more than one of these awesomely ‘interesting’ characters.

My ex husband, while a bastard ass, is not one of these distinguished people who got blown off for odd reasons.  The only things I miss about him though are the fact that he could make the mother of homemade french fries and that I can’t sign a cursive G in my last name anymore.  He was a bully and a mean human being.  He violated trusts and created atrocities the likes of which would make a hooker cringe.  I loved him with all my heart and have my gorgeous minions due to him… I also don’t trust humanity anymore because of him.

There was the boring ‘book-ee’ who chided me for never having read the entire James Bond series, but had seen the movies.  He also sucked his teeth every 30 seconds of every conversation we had. Like he had spinach stuck in them.  He lives alone in a sad little basement apartment and doesn’t have to talk to anyone in his job.  He left our waitress a nickel tip cuz she didn’t boil the water for his tea.  I gave her $20 and told him to suck my cock.

There was the emo Phillipino who thought I would like him better on our first date, when he relayed the story of having poisoned his roommates cats and then when they didn’t die, loaded them in a cat carrier and threw them from his speeding vehicle onto the highway… I have never fled Barnes & Noble so quickly in my life.  I still wonder if he is a serial killer.

There is the asshat who has tried to booty call me nearly every day for the last month, after having told my friends I was ‘nothing special, and it’s not going anywhere’.  Do you think I don’t talk to my friends?  Do you forget I go to their house nearly every week??  Hmmm…  interesting that he hasn’t made this connection yet.

The liar who forgot I am an empath.  That was awesome.  He tried to deny it even when all three of his girls were  on the phone with each other, and he had told ALL of us he had dumped the other two… He still tries to convince me he didn’t lie.

The former fiancee who wouldn’t fuck me for the last 4 months of our relationship because his mother lived with him and he was afraid of her.  The man who hated that I’m poly and yet cheated with his ex wife.  The one who accused me of moving on too quickly but is now engaged and getting married in 3 months, to my former friend… classy

There have been the share of ‘intimate’ disaster cases: The smallest man I’ve ever met, the crier, the giggler, the one who couldn’t believe I didn’t enjoy him eating at the Y, the one who wanted me to dress like a World of Warcraft Night Elf, and the girl who I figured out was a heroin head when I went to go down on her and figured out her ‘secret’ shoot-up place…  all… interesting experiences to say the least.  A girl I know put it best, “I have found that men who are projects in bed, are generally projects OUT of bed, and frankly, I’m just not that into crafts”.

I dunno, it just makes me even more glad for Hart, for the life I have now… but it makes me wonder when the other shoe will drop on some of my other relationships…Damn.

One response »

  1. Essin' Em says:

    I have been there…oh have I been there. However, I have learned, partially at the behest of the blogging community, that if you sit waiting for the other shoe to drop, you’re already ending your relationship(s) without meaning to. Enjoy what you have now, and don’t anticipate the shoe. It’s hard, but it can, eventually, be done.

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