Hello, hello once again boys and girls.  It’s that time of the week for another personal perspective.  Please gather closer, and Aunty Slutty will tell you a tawdry tale of theoretical thought from a wicked mind.

Thursday Theory 2: Procrasturbation saves.

  First we must establish the basics.  Procrasturbation is the act of delaying your daily obligations, in order to spend the time masturbating.  For example, you decide to rub YOUR meat to pictures of rumps, instead of putting a rub on the dinner rump roast.  Now mind you, this is not the ‘normal’ time which has been set aside for petting the pussy or whacking the willy. Nay, it is special, and should be cherished, as it can save lives.  “Balderdash!” you say?  Thus, I present my case.

  Stick with me on this.  You are having a rough day.  You have blown a work presentation.  Your kid was just suspended from school.  Your partner thinks you are being frigid.  What better way to make the situation less intense and to relax yourself, then to rub one out in your cubicle when no one is looking?  

  You may have 3 more loads of laundry to do, but what a great way to reward the 3 loads you’ve already done, except with a load of your own.  I know it motivates me to do more around the house. By delaying the inevitable, I feel a sense of urgency to eventually get it done.  PLUS, I get off, win-win if you ask me.

  As far as actually saving lives, if you’re worn out from getting off, I theorize that you would be severely unmotivated from doing anything detrimental to disturb that lovely wear.  Less likely to pick a fight? I think so.  Less likely to off yourself with those delightful endorphins?  I do believe so.  Homicide delayed for self-gratification? Problem avoided.    Hence, lives saved.

  I feel counselors should recommend everyone touch themselves the next time they contemplate touching the chocolate box or the booze.


One response »

  1. syr84 says:

    hmmmm…. you know….. I don’t masterbate at all myself…. can I rub you off instead?? call it two birds with one stone or some such, lol

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