Tonight, I lovingly got my brains fucked out.
I have been on one hell of a wicked depression streak for the last week and a half. I haven’t had much time with Hart. wolf has been having health problems. Poly issues and self esteem issues and financial issues too… it’s been a hard week. I have honestly been struggling hardcore with feeling really inadequate compared to Bird and Purple…. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love them. It’s hard though when everyone always comments on how pretty THEY are, how awesome THEY are with Hart, how hot THEIR scenes are… but no one comments on YOU or says YOU look hot… Shallow, yes probably, but it still stings when it feels like others feel about you EXACTLY how you feel about yourself…. all the flaws showing and being measured and found lacking.
For the first time in a long time though, I felt really loved and wanted by Hart, not like the ‘sure thing steady shot afterthought’. We were starting to cuddle in the room and Bird was there, he asked her to go upstairs for a bit. Then he totally focused on me. He watched my face the whole time, watched my reactions, and watched exactly how I felt. I have never felt more desired… like he just wanted me so much that he just wanted to drink everything in about me.
I honestly think it was some of the best sex I’ve ever had.