So, due to the disownment ‘issue’, I’ve been evaluating my life this week… Not necessarily s good or bad thing, but just ‘a thing’… Either way, I’ve come to a couple of realizations and whatnot.
First of all, I don’t like starting over, getting to know new people, a new home, and new dynamics, because I HAVE to. Don’t get me wrong, I like getting to know new people, but when I get plunged into an environment, I have a really hard time… See on top of being disowned, when my last relationship ended 2 1/2 months ago, all but a few of my friends stopped talking to me (sucky). Some because they didn’t like that I broke up with the Nightingale, and the rest because I started seeing Hart again. Nothing like being called a dumb bitch by a few dozen people… Well, so now I’m in the ‘getting to know you’ stage with almost everyone in my life and that’s really difficult for me. Hart and purple say everyone looooves me, but I’m self conscious about it.
Second, I have a lot of great people that I AM meeting, I have Mr.B, an awesome teddy bear of a man, who is protective of me. He hugged me in the kitchen yesterday and told me I could be is his family 🙂 it was cool. I have The Lady, who apparently I qualify into her family too, she’s gorgeous inside and out. I have the wolf, a guy I dated a while ago who is talking about now wanting to be my boi… 🙂 I have the Kitty I’m getting to know who apparently likes me as a person too… It’s cool.
Third, I am having one hell of a time with my depression again. I’ve been feeling damned suicidal, and that isn’t good at all. Poke, my friend, didn’t mean too, but ended up playing some REALLY cathartic songs for me on Saturday night. I ended up having a cry night all night on Monday. It helped… it also helped that Hart beat me until I couldn’t take anymore last night… masochistic release…
Fourth, I’m realizing again how much I love my Hart. He has been so wonderful helping cope with so much loss from my life and helping me see the good new things I have. He’s been strong and caring and beautiful just like I need at the moment. I love lying in bed with Him, listening to his heart beating, snuggling into His warmth…. I’m feelin all kinds of gooshy towards him. We were together for 2 yrs and then we broke up for about a year, but I couldn’t get the man out of my head, hence, we’re back. 🙂 I’ll explain about him more in another post. 😉